Night Life

So last night my friend and I decided to hit the night clubs and first it was a mission to a get a place with people, the first club we went to we were two of probably fifteen people there,and the second one we didn't even go inside, as people were leaving.  Apparently there was a party somewhere in town, and as usual we miss the memo that was posted on all the street posts (read:the sarcasm)  This was eleven thirty at night if I might add.  Anyway we finally found somewhere to chill.  Despite being bumped off our table by rude girls, watching a guy dance like he was having an epileptic fit, having beer thrown on my top and nursing a white dude throwing up at the ladies toilet, it was a great night/morning.

point of my blog today is I wanted to know if you guys would have the confidence to hit the club alone.  This random question was brought about by some chic who was just sitting quietly in a corner, with her bottle of cheap Rose chilling in the bucket and just smiling at everyone.  I don't think I could ever do that even when out with friends, I cringe at the thought of getting up to go to the toilet on my own, I guess I am one of those people who work well in a clique.  I would have to be high on meth, a Mara Louw (redbull and vodka) and dagga to just dress up and go to a club alone.  It is such a depressing place, skinny girls galore, hot guys watching the skinnies dance and I am sorry I cant suffer that alone.

p.s If you decide to hit the club in killer heels, please keep a pair of slip on's in your bag because dancing barefoot and drunk is just SO tacky.

• if you are taking your man to the club please make sure you follow him everywhere, if possible put a leash on him because we don't want your dirty looks if your man hits on us.
• If you are dancing with your guy and suddenly he pulls you into his arms for a long hug, look behind you constantly he might just have been giving another girl his phone so she can quickly punch in her phone number.
• If you use cheap make up that leaves you shining like liquid leggings after 4 hours, SHAME ON YOU I will not let you use mine. Thank you very much.
• LASTLY: know your limits there is nothing sexy about you moving around the dance floor like a Zombie high on nyaupe
• Stay away from old, perverts only Khanyi Mbau can pull of that move, otherwise it just looks desperate.
• and for the people from Durban club scene of the 90's and early 2000 Dj AndyX is still relevant and hot, I thought he was old news, but he proved me wrong yesterday.
• If you ever happen to visit East London please visit Bar Kulcha downstairs there is a dj that plays music so old, my parents would love him, but I guess it works for all the old men (midlife crisis and all) who frequent it I know their hips cant take all the fesha, vuma and durban moves, hell I might need a hip replacement too!

Till next time.  You are LOVED and you are LOVE.

Journey of self discovery

So I recently started working with a Life Coach (yes, me and a coach) surprisingly empowering I must say.  But working around my goals in life, one of the goals was to find me a life partner.  At the beginning I was pretty clear about my need for a man in my life, but as the sessions have went on I have had to re look at my goal and have come to a conclusion that this was not an intrinsic need, but rather an extrinsic force and pressure from people to have someone in my life.

I have made peace with the fact that yes I am single, but also not keen on looking, but just in case like in the book and movie Eat Pray and Love the universe will send one my way, just because....  I have decided to take steps in that direction.  My first action is to create a vision board, with all the activities I would like to do with a potential life partner and the words (descriptive of feelings) that I would like to feel and for him to feel when we eventually find each other.

Sitting here writing this post I am sitting with a pile of magazines trying to cut out happy couples who read together, hike together, shop together and still smiling through the process 'its very hard I tell you! all I can find is the insurance and medical aid white couples....and they look nauseatingly happy.  Some of the words I have been working with are trust, freedom, love, happiness, confidence and sex (girl gotta have some) before my mother buys a chastity belt for me, God knows she is already praying for one, and she wants to keep the key .....

So by next week I shall have my vision board, with words, which I will stand in front of and do affirmations and hopefully sometime in the near future I will update your guys on the progress of finding either my life partner or myself.

Bob Marley Quotes

Bob Marley Quotes

Damn you life coach for making me revisit this

So this Friday I was out with my sister, and unfortunately one of my ex potential peeps rocked up at the same place we were at.  He said some random nonsense that I dont care to repeat and as he walked away my sister calmy said "No wonder you are still single sis, mhm your Mr Potentials" while shaking her head. 

Although they have been far and few damn have they been crazy and some...... so this post is just about reviewing the ones that stand out for me and you can then tell me if Im still alright to stay single or not.

MR MIDGET
Highly placed banana republic politician wanna be he is associated with one monkey show youth group that shall from now remain un-named.  He was shorter than me and what he lacked for in height he made up for in expensive clothes and a pompous attitude.  I would be lying if I said the whole 3 hours or so I spent with him he asked me anything about my self.  He only wanted to talk about himself, his expensive shoes and his flights from there to there......my point is he was on the severe end of the SMS (short men syndrome) spectrum and thank God for my sense of humour otherwise I would have, well with my personality I wouldnt have done anything anyway as is usually the case...

MR CHEAP MIDGET (ALSO KNOWN AS JIM COMES TO JOBURG)
Think I would have learnt my lesson about dating small men OH no I had to do this, just because this is the year of saying YES oh well boy do I regret this.  First he takes me out to Wimpy because he does not understand what you can eat at a coffee shop! I mean I only go to Wimpy for Coffee not their food! He then asks me to help him go shopping for clothes because he likes my taste in clothes (well I do have a good sense of style, if I may say so myself).  Well BEEG FREAKING mistake I was supposed to be the stylist here, but he only wanted to shop at one shop and after almost an hour we left with one pair of pants, and when we went shoe shopping LORD OF THE UGLY SHOE PEOPLE help me, he exclaimed so loud when he saw the price I had to leave the shop immediately and havent been back to the shop yet ....

MR JUST GOT DIVORCED
I must admit these guys get me all the time, I swear they must be telling each other somewhere "There is a sucker willing to take your sob story".  I mean I have recognised that I have social worker tendencies and tend to want to mother people, but yes these divorced men have gotten me good! I love babies and to see an old man cry because he is loosing his baby, I would go out with him 3 times in one day just to ease the pain.  But I have learnt my lesson thank you very much, soon you discover why their wives left them, they are just overgrown, judgemental, annoying babies.  THANK GOD I am not going out with any divorced men ever again because if another one approaches me with that story I will kick him in the nuts.......


Just in case I still have a lot of these types to go through I have decided to pen God a little note;

Dear God
Since my significant other is still at your production line at the factory before you send him to me please I beg that you add these extra's to him:

This guy's dreadlocks, body and demeanor! oh I would move to the caves and smoke the greens for him.

This guys sense of style and his love of all things beautiful and arty, and it would help if he is brainy too.  Not just sly, but brainy. 

So in short I am asking for a mix of the two people and I am sure you can work something out, if all fails just give me dj Glen Lewis I'LL BE HAPPY.

I thank you.